Roller Coaster

My life is such a roller coaster ride I feel bipolar. How much can I bare. Sam's care is so incredibly high maintenance. We went back to the feeding and swallowing clinic today. The visit wasn't bad but it wasn't that encouraging either. Nothing is that encouraging really. There is just too much. Sam is swallowing yes, but not often. Half the time he doesn't even realize there is something in his mouth that needs to be swallowed. But let's say he starts swallowing more, then there is chewing, and speaking, and language, and sitting, crawling, walking, potty training, etc... Things that most parents take for granted. My child is probably going to need a computer to speak for him and god only knows what other kind of assistive devices to cope with daily living. When people have babies you wonder is my child going to be a doctor, a lawyer, the next president... Who wonders if their child is ever going to speak, walk, swallow??? There is just too much to deal with. I know, I know, god only gives us what we can handle. Well if this was true this means that I must be better then the rest of the world and everyone else is incapable and incompetent. So I win, I get the prize, I am the strongest most capable person in existence. But I think I'd rather be stupid and happy then brilliant and miserable. Oh and the line god only gives us what we can handle is one of the absolute worst things anyone can say to a parent with a child with special needs.