Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Roller Coaster

My life is such a roller coaster ride I feel bipolar. How much can I bare. Sam's care is so incredibly high maintenance. We went back to the feeding and swallowing clinic today. The visit wasn't bad but it wasn't that encouraging either. Nothing is that encouraging really. There is just too much. Sam is swallowing yes, but not often. Half the time he doesn't even realize there is something in his mouth that needs to be swallowed. But let's say he starts swallowing more, then there is chewing, and speaking, and language, and sitting, crawling, walking, potty training, etc... Things that most parents take for granted. My child is probably going to need a computer to speak for him and god only knows what other kind of assistive devices to cope with daily living. When people have babies you wonder is my child going to be a doctor, a lawyer, the next president... Who wonders if their child is ever going to speak, walk, swallow??? There is just too much to deal with. I know, I know, god only gives us what we can handle. Well if this was true this means that I must be better then the rest of the world and everyone else is incapable and incompetent. So I win, I get the prize, I am the strongest most capable person in existence. But I think I'd rather be stupid and happy then brilliant and miserable. Oh and the line god only gives us what we can handle is one of the absolute worst things anyone can say to a parent with a child with special needs.


Barbara said...

You got that right! I hate that line!!!

So sorry you are feeling down... I sent you some emails, are you getting them?

Give me a chat if you want. We are having our own little roller coaster ride here in Chicago - with John's meds... Its a mess!

Talk soon,

Anonymous said...

I Love ya... If you need to talk call me I will stop in.

jch said...

I'm a minister and I hate it when the Bible is thrown about carelessly. I totally get your angst when people flippantly say, "Remember, God only gives us what we can handle." sigh. So pathetic. Thing is, I do look to God for strength and sure enough, I find enough to make it through the day. The Bible's not lying when it says God won't give us more than we can handle but people need to get a clue and learn how and when it's appropriate to affirm God's truths. Carrie, you, your husband and Sam are in my prayers. May he give you strength to get through this day.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you. Love, Kelly

Barbara said...

Just sent you another email - check if you got it. Check your spam folder, too.


Barbara said...

Ok, Carrie, I sent you another one and you probaly did not get it.

Check and see if my emails are going to your spam folder...

This is frustrating, I like talking to you! :-)

Anonymous said...

You are strong....and oh so human! As an SLP I certainly understand BOTH sides--the clinician AND the parent, as do you! Keep it up..Sam could not have been born to a better set of parents!

Anonymous said...

Ok so instead of us saying that crap to you - I will just have to say

Feel better now - My little corn fritter -
I bet you know now who posted this "me" - !