Hanging Tough...

We are still in the hospital :(. Sam is OK. He had the procedure to get his PIC line so he can be fed via IV. Sam seems to be in good spirits. Scott and I are keeping positive and happy as much as we can. Thank g-d we have a ton of support and help from family and friends. We have to wait and see what happens when Sam has another study to see the function of his upper GI tract. This will take place on Monday. Pray that the study goes well on Monday and that his stomach drains properly so that he can maintain nutrition through his G-tube and we can go home. In the meantime we are just keeping calm and hanging out in the hospital. Oh... Sam is off cootie patrol so we have to share our room now, booooooo... We had another family in our room for 2 nights. They were so nice and considerate so it was not bad at all. They left already and as of now we have the room to ourselves, but that can change any time now. So another prayer to ask the man upstairs if you don't mind... No crack head roommates please! Thanks.

The Good, The Bad, and the Not Too Great...

Sooooo... Sam has a stricture or blockage, if you will. Not the worst thing in the world, but it certainly doesn't make things easy.
The good things are that Sam is no longer in pain, we are in our own room, Sam is healing nicely from the surgery and we are pretty sure that his current issues are not a motility problem or a shut down in his system. The bad things are that Sam may have to go into surgery again or if the stricture is just due to trama than Sam will heal on his own but this will take some time. The not so good things are that we are stuck at the hospital, Sam has to surgically get a PIC line put into his arm to feed him intravenously, and of course will need some sort of anesthesia for this. We are expecting that this will happen tomorrow. Again please pray that Sam's stricture will resolve on its own and that we get to go home soon. Thanks for checking in.

OYE!

So we are still at the hospital... :( Sam is no longer in pain and he is healing quite well. The problem is that he is still unable to tolerate his feeds. Everytime we try and feed him into his stomach all contents come pouring out around the stoma. He really is unable to get any nutrition at all at this point. We started him on a new medication to get things moving a bit faster. Please keep fingers crossed that this works. By the way I have been unable to log into my e-mail for some stupid reason so if anyone has e-mailed me in the past week I haven't gotten the messages yet. I hope to talk to everyone soon... from home!

Update

Sam is still in a lot of pain. In terms of his general health he is doing well, but he is going to need a little longer to heal. He is not tolerating being fed through his new stomach tube yet, which will prolong his hospital stay. To be honest Scott and I are fine with staying a little longer than expected as Sam is not ready nor are we ready to take him home yet. Sam is getting really great care, his nurses have been wonderful, and we have a private room with an extra bed, not that anyone can really sleep... but its still helpful. I will try and contiue to post updates when I can. Thanks for checking in. :)

Pain, Pain, Go Away...

Sam's surgery went well. He is breathing on his own and is in a regular pediatric room. It is private for now as Sam still has a bacteria in his GI tract. This is complicating his healing course a little bit, but he should be fine. All of Sam's doctors are trying to give him the best course of treatment as possible. Sam's surgeon did a really great job as Sam was able to get his new tube placed in the same stoma as he had before. The worst part of this whole ordeal is that Sam is in a ton of pain. The docs are of course trying to keep him comfortable, but how comfortable can you get in a hospital with tubes and drains sticking out of your stomach. We should be home by Friday. Please continue to pray that everything goes smoothly and that Sam's pain subsides fast. Thanks so much.

Surgery

Today is Sam's surgery. I am extremely stressed as there have been a few more hiccups in our plans and only time will tell if we are actually going to do the surgery today or not. If everyone can please hold their calls to us until later tonight or tomorrow morning it would be greatly appreciated. Scott and I are under an enormous amount of pressure some appropriate some totally unnecessary. We appreciate every one's prayers, concerns and well wishes. There are computers with Internet access that I can use in the hospital so I will post another message either tonight or tomorrow morning to inform everyone of Sam's progress. Thank you all again for all of your prayers and good wishes.

Scott's Pen

Friday night and I am sitting at my computer tears running down my face searching for something on the Internet that can make things better (not porn), I need a more permanent wholesome fix for my son, wife and myself. Sometimes our situation hits me hard and fast and I just cry alone. Today my wife emailed me a listing of a beautiful home in Livingston, out of our price range given our circumstances. Desperation and fear consumes me. How am I going to keep going? What kind of life am I going to be able to provide my family? Can I give them everything they need and what exactly is that, health maybe, wealth maybe too?

32 years old in a few weeks and I feel old and tired. I used to wish for death but I don't any longer. I just wish for peace of mind, body and soul. Will it come???? Things have to get easier but tomorrow new challenges await. School, more therapy? FUCK. THIS SUCKS!!! No one should EVER have to think when looking at their son sleeping about surgery, breathing, walking, and talking. Please call me daddy. I should be looking at him thinking about all the good times we are going to have but the sad reality of it is that I don't know and not knowing is the scariest thing in the world. I know we all don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I do know that in a few hours from now, I will wake up hold my son and begin medication and therapy once again for another day.

My poor baby. What can he be thinking? I wish I could climb into his crib with him, hold him and tell him that everything will get better. WILL IT? This empty feeling is awful. His life is awful but am I right to say this. Sam does not know the difference. What kills me at times is when Carrie and I are eating lunch and he is lying on the floor looking at his. "What are mommy and daddy doing and why are they not with me". My heart breaks every day. I love you Sam and I love you Carrie. I promise to continue to fight for both of you every day and I will not rest until peace of mind, body and soul have been attained. Soon my love, soon.